Some of the most feared words a spouse can be told are “I love you, but I’m not in love with you.” Too often, we get so far before we start to stress about how to help our marriage to grow and be strong. These words can seemingly come from out of the blue or there might be problems in the marriage that you simply aren’t dealing with. Whether there has been infidelity or some other example of broken trust in the relationship, or there was abuse, boredom, or any number of other issues, you will need to actively work at saving your marriage to build the healthy, happy relationship that you always wanted it to be.

The First Step to Saving Your Marriage:

Any marriage has highs and lows which can be a standard part of the flow of things. Whenever you go through an extended period of lows, on the other hand, there might be a problem. Until you recognize what that problem is, you aren’t going to have the ability to make it better. In some instances, concentrating on the issue which is making you fight everyday or that could be hurting one of you is simple.

You might be fighting over money or maybe you are upset that your spouse doesn’t seem to be interested in you physically anymore. For others, the main reason for the problems may be less obvious. In case you have to get counseling to establish what the issues are, then do it. You can’t find solutions without knowing the problems.

The Second Step to Saving Your Marriage:

Once you have identified the problem or problems, you can take a practical approach to making them go away. This will require you to definitely sit down and talk calmly and honestly about making a plan for making things better. This is likely to be more difficult than you expect it to be. Even those problems that seem minor can be very complex once you start acting on them.  Often that’s because your spouse is the one who considers it to be a deal breaker and by the time things have gotten to the purpose where you are in danger of losing your relationship, they have peaked.

You may have to do a lot more than adjust your attitude to be able to begin saving your marriage. For instance, if your spouse has delivered the “I love you, but I’m not in love with you” message and he or she may be avoiding any kind of intimacy with you for months, you may be confused about what seems to have been a sudden change in their feelings. When she or he tells you the change in your appearance has completely cooled them off, do you think you’re going to be willing to commit to getting yourself in shape so that you can begin saving your marriage?

The problem can also be something like the truth that they feel rejected by you since you haven’t touched them in six months. If he or she has put on an amount of weight or just isn’t caring for themselves and you do not see them in the same way, you need to put your cards on the table as well. With these kinds of issues, it is crucial to not be accusatory or point a finger of blame. Use the word “I” instead of the word “you”.

The Third Step to Saving Your Marriage:

You need to have time to help your marital problems go away, regardless of what they are. Whether you choose to obtain counseling or work on the issues yourself, it takes time to find solutions to your problems also to heal with the damage that they’ve already done. Always keep in mind that you are working to change your marriage and never your spouse. It truly is the relationship that needs mending and you’ll both have to work at it and at finding what you admire most in one another in order to fall in love again.